Warning: Puppet Possession Is A Crime During RNC

August 31, 2008

The search warrant from one of yesterday’s raids involving would-be Republican National Convention disrupters should cause all of us pause.  The warrant identifies “components” that could be used to make Molotov cocktails and “improvised explosive devices” as among the suspected contraband.  OK, that’s troublesome.

But the warrant also lists maps of downtown St. Paul, spray paint, nails and screws, police scanners, computer printers, and, um “hollowed out puppets,” just to name a few.  And it goes on to state that “the possession of the property described above constitutes a crime,” that the property “was used as a means of committing a crime,” that it “constitutes evidence which shows a crime has been committed,” and that it is “in possession of a person with intent to used [sic] such property as a means of committing a crime.”

How is possessing a hollowed-out puppet, even one kept next to components that go into the common Molotov cocktail, evidence that a crime has been committed?  Under this line of reasoning, possessing a gun in your home could very well constitute a crime, and I doubt many of the conventioneers in town would stand for that.  Rounding up guns in people’s houses on the theory that a crime might be committed is something that a, um, puppet dictator would do.

News reports state that local police ingeniously infiltrated the alleged anarchists’ hangout and gained valuable insights into their disturbing plans to disrupt the Republicans’ First Amendment right to assemble.  Good job!  But why did the police not wait for one of the anarchists to step outside their hangout, hollowed-out puppet and Molotov cocktail in hand, before seizing the persons and property?  Taking affirmative steps toward RNC disruption would, it seems to me, constitute a crime.

So be careful this week.  Keep the lawnmower gasoline away from those old pickle jars in the garage.  And any hollowed-out puppets in the basement should promptly be filled with sand.

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